I Wish I Had a Big, Fat Chocolate Chip Cookie Right Now

It is amazing how people's words can affect us.  After a conversation this morning, I find myself (remember that capable, confident woman from a day ago?) questioning whether I am actually any good at my job.  I wonder if people are constantly looking at me thinking, "She's unhappy and it shows in her work."  I wonder if I really AM unhappy.  I wonder if there is something wrong with me because I consider my job a JOB in a CORPORATION, not "building the Lord's kingdom."  I wonder if meticulousness is a requisite for someone in my position.  I wonder if meticulousness is a word.  I wonder if I should be less confident--would that make me more capable?  I wonder if it's really that important to think about this.  I wonder if meticulousness or confidence or capability make me a better PERSON.  I wonder if being a secretary or a teacher or a doctor make me a better person.  I wonder if I should go home for the day, because canning peaches not only sounds more fun than PARs but might be more important and productive and person-building.

The person I spoke with used the phrase, "It is evident to me that..." and it's made me think about things that are evident to us.  For example, we see someone who is disheveled and we assume that they are lazy or they live in filth and squalor.  It is "evident" that there is something that is not right (by our standards).  What is not evident, however, is WHY that person is the way he is.  Maybe he's disheveled because he was up all night with a sick child and he overslept his alarm.  Maybe he's disheveled because he has a mental illness and it was all he could do to get dressed and get out of bed.  Maybe he's disheveled because there's been an emergency and he's trying to get there quickly.  Maybe my version of disheveled is his version of put together.  Therefore, it is evident that I should not draw conclusions or pass judgments on what I think is evident.

I believe it is my responsibility to work to become a better, more perfect person.  I also realize that my perception IS my reality, and your perception is your reality.  Now I am considering how much of this conversation I should internalize.  I'm willing (and want!) to be the best I can be in my work.  Do I have to reach a point of total fulfillment in order to be better (best) in my work?  Does it matter?  Is my perception skewed; should I try to have his perceptions more as my own?

Am I OK?

Please comment.  Pretty please?