Aching Hearts

This week at work I've had three friends lose loved ones to death.  One was his father, one was her grandmother, and one was his infant son.  Additionally, the obits this morning announced the death of the father of a dear friend.  It is important to me that these people know they are loved by me and are in my prayers.

The truth is that nothing will fix the hole left in your heart when you lose someone you love.  The prophets declared that there is a time to mourn, and loving someone means we are filled with sorrow when they leave us.  Additionally, we are commanded to mourn with those that mourn.  The hole in our heart is still going to be there, but the love of others helps fill in the cracks a little bit.

I think sometimes people just drop the ball on sending condolences because it hurts their hearts too much to think about the sadness.  There's something in us that says, "I'm so glad that isn't me," and then we move on.

Having my own heart cracked open a little bit has taught me some things I hope never to forget.

Aching Heart and Healing

I really don't believe in allowing my feelings to be hurt or being offended.  I recognize that there are circumstances where either the person says something without thinking or knowing it would be hurtful OR people are purposely trying to hurt you, but their opinions don't matter much.  Sometimes things are said or done that just make me stop and think "Is this true?  How can I learn from this?"  So even if it hurts a bit, it's OK, because it was done lovingly.  If we spent our lives being offended by people, it would be a long, sad, hurtful life.  So I generally just get past it.  Every once in a while, though, something is said or done that just stings.  Usually it hurts because the person giving the sting is someone you care about.

Spencer's boss and a senior manager from Boeing came to Ruth's viewing.  Tracy's co-workers sent a plant.  Bert's ward rallied like crazy.  And my fix-the-world and stair-climbing work friends sent emails and made phone calls and Janece even came to the viewing.

But not one person from 2LL emailed, called, came, or anything.  Neither did Dean.  I can't explain it, but that stung so bad that I could be doubled over.  Thinking about it leaves an ache inside me and makes the tears spring to my eyes.  I know that people are busy, and I know that this was a simple, dumb oversight.  I also know that it probably should not even matter to me.  But for some inexplicable reason, it matters.  It hurts a lot.

Friday I went to work, and people were kind and asked how I, Spencer, and Bert were doing.  I felt their caring.  But I felt overlooked, nevertheless.  After work, Landon and I drove to California.  I stayed and visited for several hours, then my parents and Lando took me to the airport to fly home.  I was operating on 4 hours of sleep (in the car in a dark parking lot), the flight was delayed, and I knew we'd have a couple dozen people at our house this morning.  It was not my finest hour (it also wasn't my worst hour, but still...).  Then I walked into the house, where there was a beautiful little pink flower arrangement in a teacup with a card from the same fix-the-world and stair-climbing friends who had already given me so much love.

It still isn't from 2LL, but somehow that small act of kindness fixed a hole in my heart.

How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

On Sunday my brother showed me a picture of a large vinyl sign one ward member (using the term VERY loosely here) had put up regarding another ward member.  It said, "____________ was my visiting teacher, my friend, a church leader, and she committed adultery with my husband."

We live in a world where mothers get breast cancer, earthquakes and tsunamis destroy land and people, couple cannot get pregnant, babies die, extremists murder randomly, and cars won't start at the gas station--and that is just stuff I've seen in the past week. 

So I'm wondering, did this woman think she was going to fix something?  Did she think that hurting one person (and her family) was somehow going to make her feel better?

Seriously, I don't get it.  I must be missing something, because I sincerely don't understand this.  What is the thought process?

Did anyone ever read "The Secret Life of Bees"?  Remember Mae, whose heart broke every time something sad happened?  That's how I felt after church on Sunday.  Broken-hearted.  I wondered how to get through things like this.  What can I do to make it better for someone?

And I had a small, personal, private epiphany.  It included working on a blanket for a sweet young lady who is fighting for her child's life.  It included short visits with people we love.  It included prayer and introspection.

With all of the ugliness in the world, there is also a huge world of beauty, including blessed people who make a difference.  I hope I am one of those people, even if my contribution is very small.