Giving thanks!

Today Ashtyn's fiance was in court regarding some custody issues for his little boy (Happy birthday, Ty!).  Last night they asked if we could come.  Of course, with such short notice, Spencer was unable to attend.  But with a little eye-batting, I was able to leave work for a couple of hours to attend.

Mom was unwilling to come to any stipulation agreements, so we looked with faith at one another and to Josh's attorney and decided that we'd let the judge decide.  It was heart-wrenching and nerve-wracking and prayer-inducing.  And we got SUCH a good result I can hardly believe it.  I'm sure Ty's mommy is having a tough day, but I think that overall things are more fair.  We couldn't be more happy.

More prayer-inducing!

Feeling Gratitude Among the Burdens

Life right now is good for me and my family.  I stress out fairly easily these days, and I have to talk my way through the stress because usually it's just stress, not crisis.  Gratitude helps me to put my life into perspective and to remember just how good I have it.

This has been an extraordinary week for me in that many of the people I love have faced TERRIBLY difficult challenges that I cannot even begin to imagine surviving.  In every circumstance I have felt completely at a loss.  What can I do?  What can I even say?

My dear friend Dave buried a grandchild last week.  That 4-year-old was born when I worked with Dave.  I've never met that little guy, but his baby picture stole my heart.  I knew that his mother (Dave's daughter) has had some struggles.  My heart aches for her, and my heart aches for Dave and his wife.  They not only had to bury a cherished grandson but they have to SOMEHOW help their daughter survive.  How do you even do that?

I learned last week that another of my sweet 2LL friends has a granddaughter--whose mother has also had many struggles--who has been fighting for her life for nearly 5 months.  I finally got to speak with him today, and he was tender and emotional about the baby and about their sweet daughter.

Another friend is going through a heart-breaking divorce.  Another has an incredibly ill child.  Another learned that her cancer is back.

I've tried to do what I could for these people I love.  Words of love on FB, phone calls, emails.  Movie nights and more phone calls.  Hugs and cards and tears. Prayers and more prayers and more and more prayers. And other than that, I can't do anything.  It is heart-breaking and gut-wrenching and sad and worrisome.

And through it all, I can't get over how incredibly blessed I am.  Right. This. Minute.

The rain is glorious, as is the sky (whether blue or gray).  Our home is safe.  My body is healthy.   Our dog loves us.  Our kids are happy.  We have good employment.  The gospel is beautiful and true.  Children laugh.  I have a lipstick I love; also a necklace and a skirt.  The list could go on and on and on.

The Lord's Hand in My Life

As I mentioned last week, I have been attending an adult institute class held in our stake.  Last week's assignment was to look for the hand of the Lord in our lives each day.

I will admit that at the end of the day I have been somewhat--what?  Not exactly discouraged, but also not amazed, you know?  Like I have thought, "Well, I saw this thing (usually something of a spiritual nature), but that's not really unusual for my life."  It sounds really ungrateful to say it that way, and I am very grateful.  But I guess I've been frustrated that I am unable to see some of the small things that I know must be there.

Today everything kind of culminated for me as I pondered the entire week.  This will be a long post, but I felt that I should write down the things that have been opened to my understanding this week (and especially tonight).  I am extremely grateful for the blessings I receive and recognize; I do try to be grateful for things all the time, but tonight my cup runneth over.

My friend, Amber, and I were talking about The Biggest Loser (of all things!).  On this week's episode, the contestants had to go shopping for just $10 a day.  I remembered a time when all of our children were very small, and our MONTHLY budget for all six of us was $60.  We received assistance through WIC, and that helped immensely for things like milk and cheese and cereal. 

But I also remembered a time when my mother-in-law, Ruth, called me.  She said that her sister's neighbor wanted someone to come and pick as many peaches off their tree as they possibly could or they were just going to go to waste.  The kids and I loaded into the van, along with several large boxes and buckets.  We picked peaches to our hearts' content, and I literally bottled peaches every day for that entire week.

The same thing happened another year, when a neighbor invited us to come get all of her peaches.  Again, I bottled for the entire week, and we had peaches for a year and some more.

Someone once called me and said, "I don't want to store these bottles any more.  Do you want them?"  I don't think I've ever had to buy bottles to can produce in.

Once my friend Charlotte called. She said, "I have a client whose tomatoes have been very prolific this year.  Would you like some?"  I think I went home from her client's house with about two bushels of tomatoes that night.  Between those and what was in our garden, I bottled enough tomatoes to get us through an entire year of soups and sauces.

What struck me this week was how merciful the Lord had been to us at that time.  And also, how blessed I have been this week to have this brought to my remembrance through the Holy Ghost.  A two-fer!

Our Taylor was set apart as a missionary 6 months ago today--did you know that?  The letter that came from Taylor this week was a little bit down and frustrated.  My brain knows that he is being cared for and watched over; I know that it is important for him to learn these lessons; I know that he is and will be OK.  But my mommy heart has been tender.  It just wasn't that long ago that I could gather him in my arms and kiss his owies better.  In the extreme, I could pull out a bandaid!  :)  Now he is hundreds of miles away; and even if he were here, there would not be anything I could really do to "fix" this.  In fact, I would not be doing him any favors to take away these growing boo-boo's, as they are important to his progression and growth.  My head knows these things, but my heart still hurts a little bit.

But, oh! how grateful I am to be his mother!  I'm so glad he is where he is, doing what he is doing and learning what he is learning.  I KNOW (and this is a sweet gift from our Father in Heaven) that he is being carefully watched over and guided and taught.

Spencer and I went to dinner last night, and part of our conversation was about each of our children:  their talents, their personalities, the things they've taught us, the ways they've influenced each other, and their differences.  We wondered about the kinds of adults they would be when they had more age and experience.  We realize that they have choices to make--daily--that influence who they are becoming and who they will become.

Today I thought about the marvelous blessing that it has been to LANDON to have his sister and brother serving missions.  He has shared experiences with us that help us to see that he has a testimony and is not afraid of standing for the right, often boldly.  We came to know and love his friend Tanner in a special way, and I know through the Spirit that that experience--instigated and followed through by Landon--is a direct result and blessing of having missionaries serving in the field.

Plus, I got to go to dinner with my best friend!  Another two-fer!

My boss's father passed away on Sunday.  Most people, I think, have bosses who are meaningful in their lives only as a co-worker.  My boss is a cherished friend.  We have shared many sweet experiences with one another as my grandfather and his father--near the same ages--have fought the good fight and endured to the end of their mortal journeys.  Like my grandpa (for whom I am also feeling very tender), Dean's dad struggled near the end.  It truly was a blessing for his spirit to be released from his old, worn physical body.  Still, that doesn't stop his family from aching with the loss of one so dear.  And that has made me a bit heart-heavy.  Again, I wish I could help to somehow ease the hurt.  It is a helpless feeling.  I was wishing I was more like my mom, who would be able to see something to do or know just what to say.

And then I thought, "Wow!  I have a great mom!"  Yet another two-fer!

It has surprised me how watching Dean and his family has played at my heartstrings in regard to not only my grandpa but also my grandma, who has been gone now for 16 1/2 years.  I am incredibly thankful for the influence of these (and many other) wonderful, loving, extraordinarily GOOD people in my life.  I recognize that much of who and what I am today is due in large measure to my grandparents, who influenced my parents for good in so many ways.  I am so grateful!

Another sweet thing that has happened with the death of Dean's dad is that we have had the opportunity to touch. That sounds creepy or weird, but it's not meant to be. Here I have this cherished friend. We share laughter and tears (mostly mine ;) ) and spiritual conversations. But we are very careful to keep our relationship appropriate, and we never touch. But at the viewing last night and at the funeral today, we were able to hug and shake hands, just to share our love and concern for one another. And just to prove that it's NOT creepy or weird, we did that with our spouses standing right next to us. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow we will not touch--we each adore our spouses and our friendship is just that. But for a tender moment, it is sweet opportunity.

It is also a marvelous blessing to know of God's plan for our happiness and salvation.  How blessed are we to KNOW that life has meaning and purpose?  Extremely!  We know that our associations do not end with death.

It is also wonderful to know that many of our associations did not begin with birth.  Through tender and very personal experiences this week with a couple of my friends, I have come to KNOW (again through the Comforter) that these people are my spirit brothers and sisters, and we knew and loved and grew together in our premortal lives.  I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father put our paths back together for a season in mortality, even though our human-year ages are quite disparate.

Tuesday night was our ward temple night, and that was a tender mercy for me.  Because of things leaving my heart feeling burdened, it was absolute JOY to think that we had the blessing and opportunity to attend the House of the Lord.  I am grateful that Jesus Christ is willing to take our burdens upon Him, and I am thankful that in the temple I feel the conduit to allow me enough peace and faith to actually give my burdens to Him. 

I am also awed to know that in spite of my lack of full faith or my stubbornness or whatever it is, He will still love me, forgive me, and help me at every possible opportunity!  How I love my Savior!

These are the big things, but there are dozens--maybe hundreds--of seemingly small things which I have noticed this week.  Health, home, employment, food, adorable children, beautiful music, the scriptures, the sun (oh! how thankful I've been to see some sunshine and blue sky this week!), a good car, my family, many dear friends, covenants, laughter, reading.  The list is long and amazing.

In the end, you see, I was not completely missing seeing God's hand in my life.  Perhaps what is most apparent is that God is there so much, so often, so completely, that I take for granted the amazing gifts and blessings He gives me.

There.  My cup runneth over.

More about Grandpa and Me

I went to my grandparents' home in Orem 3 or 4 times last week.  My mom is there, and she is working hard to make sure EVERYTHING is taken care of.  So when I have arrived, there isn't really anything I have been needed to DO.  Grandma says that's better, anyway, because she just wants to visit.  And so we visit.

Every day I have waited for the phone call, telling me that Grandpa had finally reached the end of his mortality; but it just hasn't come.  He's been stubborn all his life, and he's been stubborn in his death.

Yesterday my grandma told my brother that Grandpa needed to be blessed and told that it was OK and high time to leave mortality.  My 2 brothers, their wives, Spencer, Ash, and I went to Orem again.  These three good men laid their hands on Grandpa's head and kindly gave him the what-for.  :)  Grandpa looked skeletal, and he hasn't been really conscious for days now.  We spent several hours there, migrating in and out of Grandpa's room, visiting, weeping, laughing, remembering, loving. 

This morning at 8:02 a.m., Grandpa finally left mortality and joined much family and many friends in the spirit world.  My mom called me, and I had a good, sobbing cry (in my boss's office, no less).  And since that good cry, I feel grateful and relieved and oh, so blessed!

My grandpa had the largest hands I've ever seen.  9 years ago he got cellulitis in his right hand.  That, combined with age and arthritis, have left those massive hands curled and useless.  The rest of his body has wasted away to nearly nothing, especially in the past two weeks.  But last night we uncovered his hands, and I had a flood of memories.

Those hands were the hardest-working set of hands I have ever seen: 

• He could dig fast and deep and for a long time, never stopping till the job was done.  I never saw him hold up a shovel.  It was only in his hands if he was working, and he didn't lay it down till the dig was done.
• Grandpa laid yards and yards and yards of concrete.
• Grandpa was a master mechanic and specialized in body work.  He was incredible.
• He and Uncle Bud (his brother) beat the tar out of everyone else (three or four generations of men) in a two-man hand-saw race.
• Those hands "bucked" a lot of wood, built and remodeled a lot of rooms, tarred (and batted) some bats, built some fires, and whittled many sticks and whistles.
• Those hands grabbed the steering wheel once or twice while he helped me learn to drive (while Daddy was in California).  :)
• Grandpa drove many a car, truck, van, boat, and snowmobile.   He probably fixed even more vehicles than he drove!
• Those hands signed my parents' marriage certificate.
• Those hands held onto my mother for hours and hours while she was in labor (and his feet walked miles and miles with hers).  Then those hands held mine when I was a tiny little girl.  And a bigger girl.  And a teen.  And a woman.
• Those ginormous hands gave me birthday spanks (and dimes) every year in my childhood.
• Those hands were placed tenderly on my head to confirm me a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to give me other blessings.  I was not the first and not the only one of his grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great grands who received priesthood blessing through those beautiful hands.
• Grandpa would wipe his tears with those hands--usually with a thumb.  The first time I remember seeing Grandpa's tears was the day he got new scriptures for Christmas.  It was not the last time, and it was nearly always in regard to his love for his family.
• Grandpa shook hands with countless people in business dealings and church assignments. Those handshakes were promises.  The handshakes I remember most were the ones he gave Spencer. They were man-to-man handshakes.
• Those hands tenderly held my babies.
• Those hands tenderly held other babies as he blessed them and cherished them.

Thinking about his hands has opened a floodgate of memories, each of which I am nothing but grateful for!  Grandpa was imperfect but oh, so good.  He loved me, and I love him back.  It is hard to imagine life without him--not because I've seen him every day, but because I've just always known he was there.

On the plus side, how many women get to know, like, respect, love, admire, cherish, and laugh with their grandparents for 44 years of their lives?  How many great-grandchildren can say that they made it to adulthood before they lost that grandparent, and--even better--that they knew and loved him?  Not many.  I am so very grateful!

A Day of Gratitude

Today I'm grateful:
1. That we slept in
2. That we had milk in the refrigerator
3. That Subway is close
4. That the whole family could spend a day together (except Bri, of course, but she is honorably excused)
5. That we had the perfect weather
6. That we got to go to Lagoon
7. That we have nice, reliable carS
8. For sunscreen
9. For Icees
10. For sunglasses
11. For crockpots and meals ready to go to work with me this week
13. For many really nice people

Most of all, I am so grateful for the people who have served our country.  They are all heroes.  When I have days like this, I think how marvelous it is that we have freedom and opportunity to work, to travel, to do as we please.  Thank you, Veterans, for your service and your sacrifice.  I'm sure I take it for granted far too often, but I truly am grateful.

HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY!

My Cup Runneth Over

Surely agoodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life:

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Last week when we were at the Jazz game, I did so much laughing with Landon.  For a moment he laid his head on my shoulder, and I leaned against his spiky faux-hawk.  :)  Spencer took my hand as we were leaving the arena, and I just felt completely overcome with love and gratitude.

Ashtyn is my helper in my Primary class each Sunday.  She often helps to answer the questions, and she has WONDERFUL answers that are relevant for the children.  She helps them walk reverently down the hall to Sharing Time, then she walks reverently to her YW class.  She often shares with me the lessons they've had, the discussions they've shared, or the thoughts she's had while reading her scriptures.  I call it our Seminary Time, and she is such a blessing to me!

I'm not sure what's up with Tay sometimes.  He (and the others) are ALWAYS in my heart and in my prayers.  I am not afraid to ask them about their lives, but I know there are many things that I just don't know.  Anyway, lately he will walk up to me and just grab me in a huge embrace.  He tells me he loves me and I tell him I love him more and I'm so proud of him and so grateful for him.  Sometimes we talk after that, and sometimes not so much, but it is sheer joy to be in the arms of my man-child, just because sometimes he needs his Mom.

Today Breezy called from the Denver airport.  She is on her way--as I type--to the mission field in Indiana.  She was sad to leave the people she had come to love in the MTC, especially the sweet sister who let them teach her the gospel.  She's been taught and led and blessed.  She was also really excited to be out and put it all into practice.  She is humble enough to recognize her weaknesses, but she has confidence in the Lord and in herself and her testimony.  It's a marvelous adventure, and she is ready for it!
How did I get so blessed?

Celebrating Life

This post will not be that interesting or funny, but my heart is filled with gratitude, and I believe I will record it here. You will not hurt my feelings if you exit this blog now--I will never know! :)

My mom turns 60 today. She's an incredible lady, and she has been my hero my whole life. She has an incredible moral compass, and I will always choose the right if I ask myself "What would Mom say/do?"

My boss's daughter in Idaho had a 6 pound, 9 ounce baby boy this morning. All is well with both. I can't help but think today is a great day to have a birthday! (Now if they'd just hand him to the strange woman working in Grandpa's office so she could kiss and squeeze. I doubt that's going to happen.)

The gospel is true. What an amazing gift!

The Holy Ghost witnesses, reminds, protects, and guides. I cherish this gift, especially when I forget and receive a sweet reminder.

My sweetheart loves me. I love him. We love our kids. They love us. "...and so you see, we are a happy family." The other day our daughter was texting a friend and reported to me how sad it was that his family shared nothing--no possessions, no time, and not much love. We are so grateful for each of our children, who also happen to be fabulous people who we get to associate with daily. Life is blessed and full and wonderful.

My health is really good. I could stand to lose a few pounds. I need to get back on the exercise wagon. But I'm not blind or numb or shaky or weak. I can walk, talk, and take care of myself and others. For someone who has MS, this is a miracle, and my heart is filled.

Today is Christmas. Spencer and I finally get to see Wicked tonight!

We have employment. We are so grateful to have good employment.

We are surrounded by AWESOME people. Look around you--you are, too! Isn't it fabulous how many wonderful people there are in this world? Too bad all we ever hear reported is the bad stuff. I'm still convinced that in this world there are more good people than bad, more good events than bad, more happy stuff than sad.

Have a happy, grateful day!