Friday, November 2, 2012


Do you ever walk through life feeling like you're in multiple places at the same time?  That is how I have felt this week.  It's a little bit tiring.

I know I have to get up in the morning and get ready for work.  That's so normal!  I shower.  I feed the dog.  I put on my makeup.  I get dressed.  The laundry and the dishes still need to be done.  We still need meals.

I go to work.  I read and respond to emails from colleagues, friends, and family.  It's so normal!  I schedule things.  I assemble reports and books.  I answer the same phone calls as every other day of my life.  I greet people and they greet me.

But, like an underlying current, my heart and my brain seem to be flowing in a different place than my body. 

I'm in Indiana and Calgary, watching over our beautiful missionaries, hoping they are thriving and working hard and not being sad, and knowing that they have very little idea (as it should be) of the things that are unfolding at home. 

I'm at Beehive Clothing, wondering if our daughter is well and if she's secretly disappointed that those pin curls didn't work, so the costume didn't come together after all. 

I'm at home and at WJHS, hoping that our son is safe and happy, in spite of all the weird things happening and the upheaval of our schedules right now. 

I'm at Boeing, wondering if Spencer is getting along OK, and if the job is going well or if it's killing him, and if people hate him or love him (as they should!).

I'm on my knees, thanking God that our children are friends, that Spencer is a strong, wonderful, faith-filled man, and that we know of His marvelous plan for our happiness. 

I'm also at the U of U med center, hoping that my cousin is healing well and wishing that she knew how much I cherish our memories together and praying that somehow something might make a change in her life. 

And all of these roads lead to Orem, where my grandpa lays helplessly dying and my grandma watches, just as helplessly.  I think of my mom, who is missing a lot of work and time at home but is still working oh, so hard.  I think of my Dad in Sacramento, who is kind of lost when Mom is not there, and who will continue to plug faithfully away because he knows his bride is needed in Utah right now.

Sometimes my eyes leak a little bit, and sometimes my heart is a bit heavy.  Sometimes my eyes are dry and my tummy is hollow.  But mostly I'm filled with hope and gladness and gratitude and peace.  I adore my family so much:  my sweetheart, our children, my wonderful parents, my extended family (aunts, uncles, GRANDPARENTS, cousins, siblings, etc.).  We have the gospel plan, which I KNOW is true and real and completely operative in my life and the lives of my loved ones. 

It's difficult to describe, but this week feels a bit surreal.


Kim and Preston said...

Aundrea, I am so sorry about your Grandpa. Let me know if you need a friend.