Friday, August 2, 2013

It's Not His Problem

Yesterday was one of those days when I would have been absolutely fine with staying in bed all day long.  I wasn't 100% physically, and emotionally I was just ready to throw in the towel.  The day definitely wanted to be a vacation day.

But I got up and did a short run (anyone can run a stupid mile) and went to work.  There wasn't much to do at work yesterday, so the day dragged a bit.  But it was OK, ya know?

I had an appointment with the bishop at 7:00 (I'm the new Primary chorister!!!!), so I decided I would stay at work and study till 6:30.  At about 6:15 one of my co-workers came to my desk and said, "Aundrea, what are you going to do when you graduate?  Go get a real job?"

Even though I KNEW that he didn't mean that unkindly, it still felt like a punch in the stomach.  "What?" I said to myself.  "I haven't been doing a real job for all these years?"

There was more to my conversation with myself.  (I'm well-versed in self-conversation.)  It included me reminding myself that he didn't mean anything by it; that what someone else says shouldn't determine how I think or feel about myself or my work; that he'd only said exactly what I was feeling when I started school; that I should consider the source; etc.  But I was bugged.  Seriously bugged.

Fortunately, I had a sweet meeting with the bishop and our new Primary presidency.  I fixed a celestial grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and ate it with some wonderful watermelon.  I vegged in front of a movie for a few minutes with our girls.  And I got in some more pretty good study time.  I was OUT the moment my head hit the pillow, and I slept soundly all night long.  While the mattress wouldn't let go this morning, it had nothing to do with last night's comments.  In fact, when I finally got to work this morning, I had completely forgotten the whole thing.

Then this man came to my desk and sincerely apologized for his insensitive comment from last night.  He was very sincere, and I found myself thinking, "How many times have I said insensitive things that I wish I could just suck back into my mouth and make them disappear?"  At the same time, his appearance at my desk brought back the ache in my stomach.

So who has the problem?  Him or me?



Jessica said...

Meh. We're all only human! (Us women are perhaps more "human" where emotion and wallowing are concerned.) But CHIN UP! You are amazing, just the way you are, and are just getting more amazing with all you continue to do!!

And, NOT anyone can run a stupid mile. Case in point: me. I salute you!

Amy said...

Primary Choirster!!!!!!!!!!!! (any extra exclamation points? I'd like some) !!!!!!!

Wanna know something funny. Brother R. is the Stake President of my boss. you'd love my boss. If we can ever afford you I want you to come work with us. Though it still might not qualify as a "real job" (I hate it when I say stupid things - kudos that he's brave and thoughtful enough to make the correction)

val said...

i hear you are fabulous as our new chorister...of course we knew you would be...that's why i begged and pleaded for you. i miss you all :(