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If I were doing it (getting married) again, this is what I'd do: Have pictures (this
could happen before or after the sealing, but I'm a sucker for pictures--you
just ought to have them for an occasion like getting married); order
announcements (because it's nice to let people know that you are getting or have
gotten married); invite CLOSE family and friends ONLY to the temple, preferably
the week after you got engaged; buy an extra nice church outfit and a new suit
for the groom; be sealed; have lunch (or dinner, if applicable) somewhere simple
with everyone who came to the temple and snap lots of photos there. The
end.
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You'd need to get a marriage license somewhere in that
week.
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One week of stress that isn't THAT stressful. A lovely time in the
temple (which, in the end, is all I cared about anyway). Spending time with the
people you love. Best. Day.
Ever.
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Less expensive.
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Memories.
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You
would get married a week after you got
engaged?
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Loveliness.
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Yes, I would.
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If you know you want to be together forever, why put it
off?
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Yes.
I agree.
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No kidding, this is how I wish I would have done
it.
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Being engaged is
HARD.
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Physically you know you're going to be together--it's just a matter of
time.
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My mom and I have fought only twice in my life. Once was a couple of
years ago when she got breast cancer. The other time lasted three months, and
it was during my engagement.
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Not worth it.
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Not worth the cookies and the cake (especially the cake!) and the mints
and the ice cream and the soda and the decorating and the visitors and the
flowers and the dresses and the shoes and the tuxes and the jewelry. Not worth
the hair and the driving and the planning and the crying. Not worth the color
choices and the tablecloths and the music. Not worth the photographer (which is
an ugly story). Seriously, it wasn't worth any of
it.
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And the best part of the whole day was kneeling across the altar from
one another and hearing the words "for time and for all
eternity."
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I could have avoided conflicts with my future in-laws, the wrath of my
grandmother, my mother's stress and tears, the stupid embarrassing
parties.
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I have strong feelings about this.
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It's just not worth
it.
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Go to the temple. Start a life together. Shop for the dishes you want
once you've saved up for them--they'll be more meaningful to
you!
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The special gifts usually come from close family, and they will give
them to you anyway.
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Go to the dollar store and get your kitchen stuff--it's all going to
wear out anyway!
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The whole wedding thing is completely stupid and so overrated,
especially for those of us who choose to begin our relationship by making
covenants with God in His holy house. What more do you
need?
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It's
true.
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I
still think I will have a reception but it will most likely be low key. I've
had enough roommates that have offered to do everything. One offered to do my
flowers, one my pictures, one my
hair.
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I
like how my friend Becky did
it.
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They
had not quite 2 months of being engaged. All the individual pictures were
finished before they got
sealed.
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Love
that.
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I
like that they had the reception at a reception center so she really didn't have
to do any of the decorating.
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The
place was nice enough without having to
decorate.
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No
decorating!!!
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Just
show up. Had the catering and the AC worked it would have been
perfect.
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Not worth the risk.
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Not worth the money.
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Not worth the time.
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Not worth the effort (for you or anyone
else).
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Just my opinion.
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My mom jokes about their wedding
now.
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She was 18, he was
19.
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A VERY full day and lots of exhausting hours later, they were together
in a hotel room, and she was wondering what in the world she had
done.
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Oh
my!
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Within a month she was pregnant, and Viet Nam was underway, and Dad
enlisted so as not to be
drafted.
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I was born 10 months (almost to the day) after the
wedding.
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Dad was in basic training the day I was
born.
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He came back from basic with his orders: Minot, North
Dakota.
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He left. The Air Force got Mom and baby (me) a flight. Grandpa and
Grandma took us to the airport, and Mom just wanted them to beg her not to
go.
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She loaded herself and the baby and a diaper bag onto the plane. I
screamed through the flight. She was too modest to nurse me in public. Her
dress was SOAKED with milk by the time we landed (she says the dress was
literally dripping on her
legs).
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She says, "All I wanted was a pretty dress and a
party!"
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Ha!
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They were in love, and at 19 and 20 years of age and hundreds of miles
from ANYONE, they just had to figure out how to make it work
together.
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It's hilarious to hear her tell the
story.
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The spent the night in a hotel, and they were supposed to get their
apartment the next day. Only they got there and the couple who was in the
apartment was still asleep and hadn't even packed anything. Mom was terrified
and wondered what in the world she'd
done.
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Oh
my goodness!
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But Daddy pushed his way into the apartment and said, "You have to get
out!" He started just picking stuff up and throwing it into boxes and taking
the boxes out to the front yard. This couple was flustered and angry, but Dad
was like, "This is our home! We have nowhere else to go. You have to get
out."
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good
for him!
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They stayed and helped the other couple get all their stuff out (Mom
says Dad did most of it because they were still trying to figure out how to get
all their stuff to their new
place.)
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Then he stayed up late and cleaned the entire apartment, made beds for
them, and collapsed.
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The next day he had to work on base, but that's when Mom knew that it
was going to be OK. He was going to take care of her, and she was going to take
care of him, and they were going to make
it.
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He got up early and went to work. She got up early and unpacked their
few belongings so that when he got home, he was
"home."
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And they were very happy
there.
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Isn't that a cute
story?
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Yes!
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I
love it.
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I die inside a little bit when I think about how young they were and how
little they had.
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My grandparents would put a $10 or $20 in the mail, and that was almost
half of his pay!
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Wow!
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For Christmas the first year, my mom started saving lids from the shave
cream and hairspray and anything else. She saved toilet paper
rolls.
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She went to the commissary and bought hairpins and sequins and some
felt.
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And she made all these darling little ornaments out of everything--drums
and stars and things. YOu should see the ones with the hairpins--they are so
cute!
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Little mittens and boots out of felt and cotton
balls.
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Daddy siad there's never been a cuter tree in the whole
world.
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They still have MANY of those ornaments. Mom used scrap rick rack and
lace to decorate some things. So dang cute! My childhood was so poor
financially, but we were so rich because my parents loved each other and they
loved us.
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My mom sewed a lot of my clothes back in the day when it was cheap to
sew.
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I was always thrilled with them. She was really
good.
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Store bought bread was an absolute treat; now I LONG for my mom's
bread. She made it every Monday, and she'd do 32 loaves a
day.
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wow.
That is impressive.
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When Dad worked at Hercules in Clearfield, he only got paid once a
month.
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She'd go get groceries, and we ALWAYS had tacos that first night,
because that was Dad's favorite. We ate a lot of cheesy noodles and
casseroles. And bread. We had bread with everything. It was our
snack.
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The boys got a job milking with one of the farmers in town. They
probably earned a dollar an hour or less. But we could have all the milk we
wanted. That was the time when we always had milk. We NEVER drank milk
straight. We always drank water. Milk was for cereal and
cooking.
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We didn't know we were
poor.
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We'd have fun birthdays and Christmases. We always got new school
clothes. It took my parents YEARS to pay off credit cards.
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But we were so happy.
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WE'd sleep on the deck or in the living room
together.
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We'd pop popcorn and play
games.
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Mom would pack PBJ's and carrot sticks and we'd have a picnic in the
park then play till it was
bedtime.
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My dad could throw a tennis ball or a baseball straight up in the air,
and it was so high you couldn't even see it any more. All the kids would gather
in the street and see who could catch it when it came down. Usually we were
chasing it down the street.
The neighbor kids would come over
to see if our dad could come out and
play.
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We never took vacations TO anywhere, but every summer we went camping at
the family reunion (my grandparents probably provided all the
food).
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We spent TONS of time with my grandparents, especially on my mom's
side. We lived with them several
times.
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When they lived in Salt Lake, they had this big, unfinished basement.
There was a sink and a stove, so that became the kitchen. At first our walls
were sheets and blankets, but it wasn't long before Grandpa put up walls so we
had bedrooms.
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He made a really pretty bathroom down there. It had light blue carpet
and white paneling.
It really was a pretty
room.
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There was no shower, just a
tub.
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Less than a week after he finished that room, my brothers and I were in
the tub with these toys, and no kidding, there was water dripping everywhere.
The carpet was soaked, the paneling was warped, the ceiling was dripping. My
mom was sick, and she cried and cried. WE didn't know what we'd done wrong!
She got Grandpa and showed him the bathroom tearfully. Then she made us
apologize to Grandpa. Knowing my grandpa, he was probably really mad. But he
just gruffly accepted our apology, and by the next day he was working in that
bathroom again.
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He and I talked about that last year before he died. He said, "Well,
I'll get you a bathroom ready and waiting when I get to the other side." That
touched my heart.
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Aww!
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When we moved to California, they bought a little trailer that just
stayed at the side of our house. They'd come and spend a month or two at a
time, but they had their own home to stay
in.
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Grandma was in our house all the time with my
mom.
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Grandpa would stay out in their house and watch movies. Then we'd all
have dinner together.
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Mom and Grandma did lots of crafting
together.
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Grandma loved to go shopping, so off they'd go. They invited me, but
ugh, I hated it.
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But my grandma was FEARLESS at the theme parks. I LOVED hanging out
with Mom and Grandma at Lagoon or Six Flags or Disneyland, because they'd do it
all, over and over again!
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My talented grandma did all my wedding flowers. (Not worth it, but they
were GORGEOUS.)
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My grandpa was a master mechanic. We'd never have survived without
him. I think my parents fell in love with Spencer when he got my car running.
Now we didn't have to wait for
Grandpa to come from Utah!
Ha!
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haha!
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It
sounds glorious!
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It was SUCH a happy
childhood.
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We were not allowed to own a car till after missions. I was all ready
to go to school, but we were trying to figure out how I was going to do that.
Grandpa told my parents he wanted to give me a car for graduation. They said
no. So instead he gave THEM a car so I would have one to
use.
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They financed that car when I got married so they could pay for the
wedding. But it was our car. I took it with
me.
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2 comments:
Congrats to AS! And I might have to disagree (a little) about a wedding. But what do I know?!?!?! :)
You are such a good story teller. We have similar ideas about weddings.
I have a grand idea. Arranged marriages. Your kids and my kids can get married. Then we would have ZERO wedding planning stress. Plus we like each other and family events would be a blast. We could share grandkids. ;)
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