It's Not His Problem

Yesterday was one of those days when I would have been absolutely fine with staying in bed all day long.  I wasn't 100% physically, and emotionally I was just ready to throw in the towel.  The day definitely wanted to be a vacation day.

But I got up and did a short run (anyone can run a stupid mile) and went to work.  There wasn't much to do at work yesterday, so the day dragged a bit.  But it was OK, ya know?

I had an appointment with the bishop at 7:00 (I'm the new Primary chorister!!!!), so I decided I would stay at work and study till 6:30.  At about 6:15 one of my co-workers came to my desk and said, "Aundrea, what are you going to do when you graduate?  Go get a real job?"

Even though I KNEW that he didn't mean that unkindly, it still felt like a punch in the stomach.  "What?" I said to myself.  "I haven't been doing a real job for all these years?"

There was more to my conversation with myself.  (I'm well-versed in self-conversation.)  It included me reminding myself that he didn't mean anything by it; that what someone else says shouldn't determine how I think or feel about myself or my work; that he'd only said exactly what I was feeling when I started school; that I should consider the source; etc.  But I was bugged.  Seriously bugged.

Fortunately, I had a sweet meeting with the bishop and our new Primary presidency.  I fixed a celestial grilled cheese sandwich for dinner and ate it with some wonderful watermelon.  I vegged in front of a movie for a few minutes with our girls.  And I got in some more pretty good study time.  I was OUT the moment my head hit the pillow, and I slept soundly all night long.  While the mattress wouldn't let go this morning, it had nothing to do with last night's comments.  In fact, when I finally got to work this morning, I had completely forgotten the whole thing.

Then this man came to my desk and sincerely apologized for his insensitive comment from last night.  He was very sincere, and I found myself thinking, "How many times have I said insensitive things that I wish I could just suck back into my mouth and make them disappear?"  At the same time, his appearance at my desk brought back the ache in my stomach.

So who has the problem?  Him or me?

*sigh*

Hey, Guys?

I think.  A lot.  About nothing important, really.

Today I've had extra time on my hands, so I've been reading blogs.  And I wonder, how come in all the thinking I do I never have anything funny or cool or even remotely interesting to say?

Seriously, how can that be?

My audience is extremely limited, but I felt this was worth sharing.  I have a blogging friend, Jacy, who has put together this wonderful conference for women whose husbands are sexual addicts in one way or another.  Jacy is a fabulous, caring, usually strong, sometimes-a-messy-puddle, and incredibly supportive woman who is a survivor and a thriver.  If this is something from which you think you can benefit, I'm not lying when I tell you The Togetherness Project promises to be something really great.

Wouldn't It Be Cool If...

What if you could make your body stronger by doing kind, from-the-heart kinds of activities.  Every new mama who is up tenderly caring for her baby in the night would have a no post-baby bulge to worry about.  Anyone who made you really laugh--especially if you were in desperate need of a laugh--would lose a half pound instantly.

I'm putting this on my list for the world I create.  It would be incentive for people to be nice, don't you think?

A Bit of Ashtyn Bragging

These are the cupcakes Ashtyn made for Briana to take to the cake walk at work.  Adorable, right?

I Love My Birthday. I Love My Family Even More. That's a Lot!

Spencer was massaging on Saturday, but he offered to pay Landon to do the yard.  I figured if I had to get Landon up to work, the girls should have to do the same.  We had prayer, Landon headed out to mow and edge the grass, and the girls each chose a room to clean.  I was expecting the normal:  load the dishwasher, wipe the counters; clean the sink, tub, and toilet.  But what I got was a SERIOUSLY spic & span kitchen and bathroom.

The girls and I went to lunch at Longhorn Steakhouse.  It was a bit pricy, but it was seriously delicious.

I pulled out my books and did a tiny bit of homework while the girls went shopping for ingredients to make some darling cupcakes for the cake walk at work.  Spencer came home and took a short nap, then we headed out to the ballgame.

We had fun, the Bees won the game, I ate too much cotton candy, and they celebrated my birthday after the game with an AWESOME fireworks show.

Amid all of that, I got calls from family members, texts from friends, and FB messages galore.  I am incredibly blessed!

When we got home (11:30 p.m.), the kids wanted me to open presents.  I finally did, but just after midnight, so it wasn't TECHNICALLY my birthday.  :)

Also--see that haircut?  Holy smokes!  It's short!  The hairdresser and I were not communicating very well.  But it will grow, and it's really cool (as in temperature), so there's that.

Baseball

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I love my birthday. 

Spencer--as a manager at his place of employment--was given the season tickets seats for tomorrow night's Bees game.  It was fortuitous that this opportunity came on my birthday, because I LOVE going to baseball games.

I don't know who the Bees are playing.  I don't know who the Bees players are.  I don't know what place the teams are in.  I could probably officially keep score with a bit of training, but I don't care that much.  I cheer for a hit, I root-root-root for the home team, I like to watch the mascot work the crowd.

Mostly I love the sound of when the ball hits a mitt or when the bat cracks off a ball (especially on a really good hit).  I love watching the chalk go on the field.  I love watching the players dust themselves off.  I love all the smells and the sounds of the game.  And yes, I love the ballpark treats.  I love that it's HOT, because these are, after all, the boys of summer.

I'm super excited about this game.  Happy birthday to me!

When I Was at Temple Square This Week

I had an interesting experience on Temple Square a couple of nights ago. I went looking for our Sister B (friend from Canada), and when I couldn’t see her in any of the buildings, I planted myself on a planter in the center of the Square, hoping she would walk by.

There was a not LDS church group who were gathering in the same area. Three of their women (all in their 20’s) started talking to me. Just regular talking: family, jobs, etc. We shared so much in common whenever faith-related things came up. I think they were surprised that a Mormon believed just like they did. As we wrapped up, they offered to pray with me. So they sat on either side of me, with their hands on my backs (laying on of hands?), and one talked to Father God, Lord Jesus, God Jesus, etc., all about me while the other two toned “uh,huh’s” and “thanks, Jesuses,” etc. All in the smack dab middle of Temple Square. But it was sweet and I hugged them afterward. It’s too bad that there can’t be that kind of understanding between churches as a whole, because in that moment we were truly sisters.


And none of that was particularly comfortable to me. It was very different from how I choose to worship. But I felt the Holy Ghost there, and I truly felt love for these young ladies. I hope they felt it back from a new Mormon friend.

Today Is...

Today is the longest day of the year--summer solstice.  I love today.  Landon's 4th grade teacher (Hi, Miss Tammy!) once tried to explain to me why it's not coldest on the shortest day of the year and why it's not hottest on the longest day of the year.  I didn't really understand it, but believe me, there's a reason for it.

Today is Ragnar's Wasatch Back Relay.  I can honestly say that I am NOT sad to miss it this year.

Today is Friday.  I'm always glad for a weekend, but Friday afternoons are eternal.  No one is emailing.  No one is calling.  The large projects for the week have already been completed.

Today is a birthday party at work.  Cake, ice cream, M&M's.  Happy day!  It could only be better if Spencer was here.  Or if I wasn't here.  Whichever.

My Miracle

Our Miss Ashtyn got very dizzy about 3 weeks ago.  Dizzy enough that she thought she was going to pass out and she could not walk a straight line.  Bri took her to the Instacare, and they diagnosed an inner ear infection.  When she followed up with her doctor, the doc thought there was nothing wrong with Ash's ears and tested her for neural issues.  She ordered a full spinal and brain MRI and said she couldn't go back to work till she'd been cleared by a neurologist.

In addition to the dizziness, one day last week Ashtyn's hand went numb.  I knew immediately the MRI was to scan for MS, and it made me sick.  To think that our 18-year-old daughter already had such HUGE symptoms was overwhelming and made me sad every time I thought about it.

Last Sunday I was up before the rest of the family, so I picked up the scriptures.  I knew I wanted to read about the Savior, but I didn't know exactly where, so I just opened to the book of Matthew and started reading.  I read many chapters, but when I read the following in chapter 17, it struck my heart deeply:

15 Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatic, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.
16 And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.
17 Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.
18 And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.
19 Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out?
20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
21 Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.

I read this before Ash went to her doctor and before the MRI was suggested, but I was struck.  A couple of days later, as I worried about our daughter, I had the clear thought that I knew the answer because I'd read it on Sunday.  So on Friday I fasted and prayed.  My prayer was something like, "I'm trying really hard to have the faith to accept thy will.  But I have to ask for what I want, because I the answer is automatically no if you don't ask.  Ash's patriarchal blessing promises her health, and that is what I want for her.  I want her to be well, and mostly I DON'T want her to have to face MS."

Ash spent over 2 hours in an MRI machine on Friday night, while I sat in the waiting room and, well, waited.  We (Spencer, Landon, and I) were heading to youth conference in Wyoming yesterday.  I made arrangements to not go so that I could be home when Ash got her results.

When I finally got hold of her yesterday, our Ash was an unhappy girl.  It gave me a fright.  I said, "OK, what's wrong?"

Ash responded, "Nothing is wrong.  The MRI came back perfectly clear."

Now, my friends, I KNOW that my prayer was answered (as far as the MRI is concerned) because of prayer and fasting.

I KNOW THAT MY PRAYER WAS ANSWERED BECAUSE OF PRAYER AND FASTING.

I am so very grateful!