Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Trying to Get to "Whatever"

I'm a mom--did you know?  I've never been much of a coddler, and I try not to be a worry-wart.  But the truth is, I'd like to make it all better for all the people I love.  The problem is that these days it's not just a kiss or a bandaid that will make it better.  In fact, most of the time there's not one dang thing I can do to fix it, except pray (which I do).  Sometimes even if I could fix something, I would not be doing the person any favors by doing so, as there is something they need to experience and learn (and the same is true for me).  Sometimes the person doesn't want anything to be fixed, or at least not fixed by me.  And sometimes it just is what it is.

The point is, it's very difficult for me to just let things go, allowing myself to be unfazed, or being cool with the fact that there's nothing I can do about it.  You should hear the conversations in my head!  :)  I'm constantly telling myself that everything is going to work out, that I can't worry about things I can't control.

Sometimes I'm so good at turning off the worry that I worry (maybe "plan" is the better word) less than I should.  That's no good, either.

I'm glad I'm empathetic.  I'm glad that I have passion for life and for situations and for people.  But I wish I was better about that middle of the road; the place I call "Whatever."  Whatever is the place where you just don't care about things that don't matter.  I'm not talking about shrugging it off (which I try to do when appropriate), but genuinely not caring about things that don't matter.

*sigh*  Whatever.  Is there such a place?